See spot run. 'Cause he just left you a turd.

(yesterday) Heading to the mainland to buy a printer, send some mail, and follow up on one of many recommendations. This one’s for a lobster club sandwich. Update: Ok, didn’t do the lobster because the printer search took too long and I couldn’t miss my ride back. I would’ve been Gator food. You’ve gotta be careful which malls and big-box stores you go to here. Some have terrible selection even in nice areas, it’s weird.

I came back and decided it was cold enough to attempt a fireplace session (no gas furnace). Turns out wood and rain don’t mix, so I just brought in a pre-chopped load to dry for tomorrow night. I’m such an outdoorsmaAhhh!SPIDER!!!

(today) Got the fire going, but it’s lacking flames. Guess I stopped a province too late. The wood’s still Vincent Damphousse so I’m hunting for the biggest pieces of Ken Dryden kindling, just to get a warm base for the house tonight. I’ll wake up cold, which sucks. But if I don’t wake up and I’m cold, I’ll be dead, right? Risk/reward calculations – I’m an economist. I can predict financial incidences mere minutes after they happen. What’s a derivative? Well, you see, uh, it’s a, uh.. pshhh…well, it’s complicated and I don’t want to bore you with econojargon.

The dog deuced a winner today, but he was about 20 metres too early, so I had to bag it. Could’ve warmed the entire house with it. Who needs firewood. It was disgusting, but I was under neighbour surveillance on their lawn. You know how dogs like to walk those few tight circles as they prep for launch? Well he started spinning so I started yelling. Scared the shit out of him.

Dear Global, it’s not Saturday Night Live if you air it at 11:30 eastern AND pacific. Just because half the coast is high doesn’t mean they won’t notice. I was all excited to catch it early and get to bed.

And while we’re workin’ the pen and ink here: Dear GoodLife, the local gym here asked me what I wanted, gave it to me, mentioned their other available options once, and then shut their damn mouths. You’d think they were from Bizarro world, right? Well they’re not, they’re just Good at Life. Learn something.