Swim, Forrest, Swim!

Get over it, the mornings are early, Rob.

These girls blow my mind; I’m wickedly impressed with their work ethic and the henceforth therefore resultant abilities from whence further drive births itself unto them. Dig it.


We were in Port Moody for a Canada Day Challenge 2/4km open water race. I watched hard and it was tiring. I also went for a 5 minute dip in the lake, shrunk, choked on water, lifeguards, ambuli, the works. Later I fell asleep on the beach because these savages were out on a run. I swore if they went for a bike ride after I was going straight to Simon Whitfield’s house to slap him. And I’d get there quickly cause I’d use a teammate to draft off of…oh shit, I went there. Good guy though; not judging. I draught at the pub all the time and that’s legal. Potayto-potahto again.

When they came back from the run they tried sneaking up on me and screaming, BUT, yeah you know, Unagi. son.

But this was Crocodile Dundee’s look-at-the-sun-to-tell-time-but-still-have-a-pocket-watch tactic; I saw them plan-hatching from across the beach.

Later on I went down to Kits Beach with some chill OGs (that or OTs, whichever you prefer.. therapists can be gangster, no?) and we watched the fireworks. This is of course after Officer Obese ran us down on a 4-wheeler since two wouldn’t hold him, and poured out some of the booze. He didn’t want anyone being truly Canadian on Canada Day, so we ignored the Canadian bacon talking to us and kept on. Yes, yes, I know, it’s a tough job being a cop. But so is being Stephen Hawking’s “special” masseuse, and she’s not complaining. They all get paid, and money talks. Hers says “Oh. Yes. Lupe. Now. Don’t. Be. So. Rough. Ha. Ha. Ha. See. What. I. Did. There. Also. See. What. I. Didn’t. Do. There.”

I’m heartless.

The rest of the night consisted of booking my next two days on the Island, eating, and sleeping. Not a bad way to do it. Well, technically a bad way to do it as a good way to do it would be two days on an island eating, sexing, and sleeping. We forgot a part. And it goes in another part, but that’s a lesson for your parents to teach you.

Tell them you’re not a visual learner, please.


Catch ya in Tofino. Unless you’re a wave.