Goin' On A Bear Hunt. Gonna Catch A Big One. We’re Not Scared!

I’m actually quite frightened of bears, but you can’t just go changing the lyrics to a children’s song (several people have reworked this tune, so yes, my point is a cow’s opinion). The real point is I’ve decided to go on a bit of an adventure to spice up the Experiment a little bit. I mean, not that research isn’t riveting. for it certainly does feels like someone’s putting rivets in your legs when you sit at a desk all day. And yes, by “day” I mean half-day.

Thus, to break up the monotony I’m throwing a leg up over the saddle and vrooming the half-car out to beautiful British Columbia. Now I know what you’re thinking.. didn’t the last trip go slightly awry? No. that was TWO trips ago. And when you bring a rockstar along with you anywhere, you can bet something unexpected will go down. Though “go down” is a guess…I haven’t actually asked about their sex life.

Good guy though.

So what’s the game plan this time ‘round? Well let’s get John Madden in here to explain because he’s about as nonsensical as my navigation skills..

“Well you see here uhh, Rahb here’s looking to make a sharp left outta his driveway there, but his PATH is obstructed by this uh landlord guy’s TRUCK. Cause y’know, the landlords, they drive trucks ‘n’ that! And while he’s lookin’ to makin’ the call to the guy to get the truck from where the truck is to where the truck goes over there here he’s uhh gonna hafta then cut right truck and truck fuck down this here gap. Y’know Al, That gap-truck’s gonna be an obstacle for the Rahbs today.”


On a slightly clearer note, I “intend” to start out here in Ottawa (this will be easy) and head west until I hit water. Then I’ll drag my bike out of the canal and figure out where I messed up. Next I’ll continue west until my clothes dry out and night falls (recall the fear of bears) and find a motel to recharge my brain and electronics. If I get two days of travel in and I haven’t rolled into Halifax, I’m gonna be a pretty happy camper. Like full-activity-day-then-sex-under-the-stars-type happy camper. Unfortunately, since I’m moteling it I’ll have to settle for glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars in the nearby strip clubs under which one can purchase sexuals. Unfortunately again, the motel’s gonna take all my cash and I will have to respectfully decline the sexuals. That, or my next morning on the road gets off to an early screeching start as I try to out-pace the leather-vests with their chains and shackles of government oppression that they’ll ironically use to beat me into the same submission they feel they’re in.

BAM! Full circle. And Emeril’s done cooking.

The Beauty of this trip is that I’ll actually be documenting everything on my GoPro. The Beast is that you won’t see it as it happens. It’ll take a while for editing and getting sidetracked by redditing (I’ll still post daily and throw up some pics). But the end goal is to make a sweet video of the journey to the edge of Reality, and what it’s like to chill past that, in the Real; without the -ity, bitty problems. You drive so far and it takes so much time, but then time slows down for you and let’s you catch up. It’s a beautiful thing. And since it’ll be a Beautiful British Columbia (BBC) documentary, I might break out my English accent and ride to some Essential Mix tunes. Then whenever you’re enjoying the scenery and groove of the video, I’ll come at you with: “BBC RADIO ONE ESSENTIAL MIX.. OH, SORRY CHAP, YOU’RE AWARE YES? HAH, RIGHT BOLLOCKS INNIT!”


Anyway, let’s get on with the show. Today is prep day – still waiting on a few items to ship in the morning – and tomorrow is data collection at the lab followed by approximately 30 minutes of sighs of relief of work-weeks’s end, followed by my last supper (shame the Jesus hair is gone; guess I don’t have to share though) and an ice cold can of liquid-layback to celebrate the kick-off of this trial of the Experiment.

The best part about science is that the results don’t matter; everything good or bad contributes to the knowledge base. You just have to do what you do and science hard, then eat the fruits of your labour. *If your son is born gay, disregard this advice.

Camera’s charged. Rob’s charged.

Let’s go live.


Departure: Saturday, 0800. 

My girl Alicia doing her wicked thing at Living Colour Tattoo before I hit the road.