I'd like to buy the world a cloak.

Last month in a nutshell: nuts. But you knew that. It was only logical. But I digest:

The nice thing about summer is that the study carrels at UBC are the size of empty classrooms. Couldn’t find a classroom though. Weird.

To relieve the stress of selling out in the fall, I decided to take the weekend off. I wrote a French exam until around 9pm on Thursday (it started on Wednesday!), then pulled into downtown Banff at around 9am, a tad tired of course. And no, the exam didn’t really start on Wednesday. Don’t be so gullible. Yes, you.

Just kidding. Not you; him.

Highlight of the night: free coffee and bagel in Kamloops! Not much for 12 hours. And it wasn’t really a highlight because I had to get my third favourite bagel, untoasted to boot. (‘To bowt’ for the Americans.) I also didn’t eat it for 3 hours so it had a certain “je ne sais stale” to it.

If I hadn’t been afraid of tired truckers on the highway, I’d have pulled over to take a snap of my first wildlife experience of the weekend: a bighorn sheep taking a bighorn crap on the road. Beautiful, nature is.

I wrote a few notes in my phone to remember what happened, but for some strange reasons, one of them says “UWO sexcapades.” Now, for the life of me I can’t remember what that was. Maybe that’s for the best? Sounds interesting though. Even I can’t decipher some of my references. But I’m sure you would’ve enjoyed it, as much as I may or may not have.

Oooh, hold on a sec, I’ve gotta put a softer pillow on this chair.

We must’ve seen about 20 more bighorns over the next couple days (sans poop), and a bear family hanging out beside the road. Two of the cubs, which couldn’t have been more than a foot tall, started fighting on the street. It was pretty cool. Then one pulled guard and secured a sweet triangle. But Anderson Silva was in the other guy’s corner, so he escaped with a vaseline defense.

The drive home was actually worse than the drive there. I think I left around 9pm and I was already exhausted from all the activity. I did try to pull over for a nap about two hours into the drive when I spotted a rest stop, but my mind failed me. This is the order of events:

1. Pulled into rest stop.

2. Put on sweatpants to prevent getting cold while sleeping.

3. Moved things around in the back seat so I could recline the driver’s seat.

4. Went inside to take a pee.

5. Came back outside, got in the car and drove off.

6. Ahh crap. I was supposed to sleep there, wasn’t I.

7. Found another rest stop. 400km later.

So, great! I found a rest stop finally. BUT, thirty minutes earlier I’d chugged a Red Bull because I was falling asleep. So I ended up listening to an entire Joe Rogan podcast sideways in the backseat. And little did I know that my driving leg, on the bottom of my fetal position leg-stacking formation, was the only part of me that actually fell asleep. At the end of the world’s greatest podcast (go ahead, expand your mind and try it), I figured I might as well just drive until the caffeine wears off and then find a rest stop. But try driving with spaghetti leg, and see if you can make it out of the parking lot without al dente-ing the car. Fortunately for me the pins and needles actually woke me up more than the Red Bull. (Comment sponsored by Rockstar.)

Two stressful weeks later, it became today. And today will become tonight. And tonight will be my last night on the coast. It’s a pretty bittersweet situation. Though it will be improved greatly if I can get the potential new tenant to hide his guitars from my roommate until the lease is signed. Otherwise shoot could hit the fan.. cause Holy leisure reading, Batman! Fun might break out! 

See you on the other side.